This baby is confused.

Apparently E thinks his/her mother likes to bake. Cause this baby wants cookies. And despite my best attempts to get out of it, here I am, again, "baking."

Seriously. Best attempts.

I have no oven.
I have no butter.
I have no white sugar.
I have a half cup of brown sugar.

And yet here. I. am. I found a sugar-free recipe that seemed too easy and interesting to pass over, so I gave it a shot and played with it a bit. It recommended you use a stand-up mixer, but I just used a hand mixer. I'm sure you could use a spoon, but that really sounds like more hell than its worth.

It's just a sugar cookie, but with more of a honey taste (obviously). Not over-sweet. A little dense. But not bad. Next time maybe I'll try almond extract. Oh, and without any raw egg, these make great prego cookies, cause you can gorge on the dough (which I liked better than the cookies themselves). Extra points there.

The Despite My Best Effort Not To Cookie
1.5 cups flour
3/4 cup margarine (Country Crock)
1/4 cup honey (orange blossom)
1 tsp vanilla extract
Cinnamon (a good shake or two)

Mix flour and margarine until well blended (see photo).

Slowly incorporate honey, vanilla and cinnamon. When well mixed, dust your hands with hands with flour and shape dough into a ball, drop onto flour-dusted board.

Knead just a bit until very smooth and not sticky, then roll out and cut with a cookie cutter. Or a shot glass, if you don't own that sort of thing (raises hand).

Bake at 325 for about 10-12 minutes until til golden brown. Remove and cool.

Note: I did about a dozen like this, then added a handful of white chocolate chips and worked them into the dough. Then made balls with the rest of the dough and flattened with my hand instead of rolling out. I don't particularly like white chocolate to begin with, but they didn't really add anything and actually made the honey taste stronger. Though I did like the way they caramelized and added a burnt sugar taste. So overall not the best idea; I was just playing around. I just wanted to explain why you see some weird cookies in the pic.

About 2 dozen small cookies, 56ish calories each.

No, seriously, I need an oven.

There's a fun new game in my house, and it's called "Let's see how comfortable I can get in the crib before Pam comes and kicks me out." Factor in how long it takes me to get off the couch every time I hear the crackle of aluminum foil (Note to interweb advice-givers: aluminum foil does not keep cats off of surfaces. At least, not these cats. Not even a little bit.), and it keeps me fairly busy.

Yes, I can keep the door closed. But a perpetually closed door just seems to make the baby's room that much more intriguing, and I'm trying to adjust them gradually...learned behavior...reinforcement, blah, blah, blah. Wish me luck.

Yes, my life is so hard. I know. Unfortunately, I currently have people in my life who have actual problems. And I love said people dearly, and am really bummed out that I'm not able to leave town to see them right now. So last night I decided to put together a little Chemo Care Package. Some fun scarves, some new music, and some homemade ginger cookies. Ginger helps with nausea...I have no idea if cookies do the same. I hope they do. (And if not, that at least they cheer you up, Doc. I love you, and I Hate cancer. Capital H. No one, least of all you, deserves this shit.)

So between the cat-wrangling and baking 5 cookies at a time in my toaster oven, it was an interesting night filled with a soundtrack of aluminum crinkling and timers dinging. And cookies being eaten. I may have eaten a few cookies. Or three. Cause they're pretty damn good. And the baby wanted them. (And they're only 102 calories each!)

Ginger Cookies
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 slightly full tsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground cloves
1/4 tsp salt
3/4 cup margarine (I used Country Crock with Calcium)
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1 tbsp orange juice (or you can just use water)
1/4 cup molasses

Combine dry ingredients (flour, soda, ginger, cinnamon, cloves, salt). In a large bowl, mix together margarine and sugar until completely combined and a little fluffy. Beat in the egg, then add the juice and molasses.

Gradually mix in the dry ingredients (About a third at a time) until completely combined. Put dough in the refrigerator for about a half hour. (Otherwise it will be crazy sticky when you try and form balls.)

Heat oven to 350.
Shape dough into balls a little bigger than an inch across. (If it's still sticky, try dropping them in a bit of sugar before you rolls them in your hands.) Place on cookie sheet with about 2 inches in between each. Flatten each cookie gently with your hand or a spatula. Cook for about 9 minutes, the let cool a couple of minutes before removing to a wire rack.

Makes about 24-25 cookies.

Did you have a Shake-and-Bake childhood?

I totally did. There was a lot of shakin' and bakin' happening in my mama's kitchen. And it was always chicken..but I'm having a hard time remembering what the sides were. Probably broccoli, green beans or lima beans (which my sister always promptly fed to the dog)? Those were kind of staples growing up.

But I digress. Let me introduce you to a whole new way of looking at coated, baked meat. I used pork, but chicken would work just as well. It totally reminded me of the old-school in-a-box variety, but better ("waaay better," according to the hubs).

Went well with Stanky Brussels and a salad.

Oven "Fried" Pork Chops
4 6oz boneless pork chops, pounded with flat sided mallet
1/4 cup flour
large pinch salt
1/4 cup brown mustard
water
2 cups panko (Japanese bread crumbs)
About a tsp smoked paprika
About 1/8 tsp white pepper
1 packet onion soup mix (Lipton, etc.)
Spray butter
Cooking spray

Preheat oven to 400. Arrange 3 shallow dishes on the counter. In the first dish, combine flour and salt. In the second, combine mustard and a couple tablespoons of water. In the third, combine the panko, paprika, pepper and onion mix.

Cover a baking sheet with aluminum foil and spray lightly with cooking spray.

One chop at a time, dredge both sides of pork in flour. Dip in mustard, coating both sides, then place chop on panko mixture, turning over gently to cover both sides completely. Place on foil and repeat with all chops. You'll have some flour and panko mix left over. Spray the chops with spray butter (a few good squirts each).

Bake at 400 about 7 minutes, then flip and cook another 7 minutes. Let rest 10 minutes before serving.

Roughly 350 calories each.

More pumpkin. Yay!

I'm going over to my girlfriend's house this evening for a pajama and movie night...normally this group likes to drink, but at least three of us are currently knocked up, so we're going to do the next best thing-snacks.

I volunteered to bring caramel corn, which didn't turn out exactly as planned...but I am now bringing my new specialty, Creme Brûlée Corn.


There is a reason I hate my oven. And this is why. Luckily, I love burnt sugar.

In case the other ladies don't, however, I decided to bring a back up...and all I had in the house on hand was stuff for pumpkin muffins. Made in the toaster oven, thankyouverymuch. And quite delicious. Look at me baking. This is sooo the kid's fault.


Pumpkin Muffins
1 1/3 cups sugar
1/3 cup oil
1/3 cup water
2 eggs
1 14oz can organic pumpkin
2 cups flour (I mixed white and wheat)
1 tsp baking powder
A little more than 1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp salt
Hershey chocolate rectangles (opt.)

In large bowl, mix sugar, oil, water and pumpkin. In small bowl, mix flour and other dry ingredients and spices.

Add dry ingredients into pumpkin mix, and mix gently until just combined.

Fill lined muffin cups 3/4 full. Insert one chocolate piece in the middle of each muffin, if using. Bake at 400 for 15 minutes.

Makes 18 muffins.


-posted out of laziness from my iPhone.

Olive Oil Cookies

I know, olive oil...cookies? It just sounds so wrong. But one of the Iron Chefs busted out some olive oil cake the other night, and I was intrigued enough to look it up. And all over the internet there are recipes, and there are ravings. Enough to, again, intrigue me.

When I found a New York Times recipe for these cookies, the mix of wine, sugar, rosemary and pepper was just too weird to pass up. Plus, I knew the Pepper Project would love anything that showcased kampot pepper, so I wanted to review it for them. And so, with the visiting Russian as my Sous Chef (who is down for anything involving wine), it was time to bake.

Don't go into these expecting "cookies," and you won't be disappointed. They're more scone-like, actually...sweeter than a biscuit, and not as crumbly or dry. The pepper gave an awesome spiciness every now and then, and the rosemary gives it an earthy, unusual flavor. I like them. The main problem is I don't know when I would make them, since they seem to go best with wine. Maybe as a savory dessert? An afternoon tea alternative? Cause I'm sure you guys are all about the afternoon tea...

Olive Oil Cookies
2.5 cups flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
small pinch of salt
heaping 1/8 tsp fresh ground kampot (or black) pepper
1/2 tsp dried rosemary, chopped
3/4 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup olive oil (virgin or extra-virgin)
3/4 cup red wine

Heat oven to 375. Combine flour, baking powder, salt, pepper, rosemary and sugar. In medium small bowl, whisk together the eggs, oil and wine. Stir the oil mixture into dry ingredients, mixing lightly just until combined.

Spray or grease cooking sheet with olive oil. Drop batter by teaspoon onto sheet. Again, I don't recommend using a toaster oven for cookies, but some of us do what we have to. They really don't spread much, so you can fit quite a few on a tiny sheet.

Bake 12-15 minutes or until they begin to brown. Remove to a rack to cool.

The crust is the worst part of the pie.

That's my opinion, anyway. It's so...crusty. And burned, half the time. And full of calories, which generally means it's just a waste of my time.

Word on the street is that I'm hosting Thanksgiving again this year, so I was digging around online for recipes and got sidetracked thinking about pumpkin. From there, my brain turned to pie, which made me think of how much I dislike crust, and ta-da...the search for crustless pie was on. This was a mix of a couple of them, plus some ideas of my own.

I'd call this more custard-like, actually-its nice and thick, but it's not as sweet as you may expect. If you prefer a sweet version, maybe use pumpkin pie puree, or use white sugar. Or serve with ice cream. Being less sweet has a bonus, however—it's low-cal. 1/8 of a pie is less than 170 cals.

Oh, and before you give me too much credit for "baking" again, this hardly counts...it all got mixed at once in one bowl, and I cooked it in the toaster oven.

As for reviews, my guinea pigs were my coworkers...B and I both thought it could have used a bit more sugar (though the low-fat whip helped), but Bossman raved...I thought maybe he was just being overly nice, but as I was heading out for the day, he asked me to leave it there so he could have more. I figured it was probably too much pumpkin for hubby (who hasn't tried it yet) anyway, so I told him to have at it.

Crustless Pumpkin Pie
15oz pumpkin puree
12oz can of 2% evaporated milk
2 eggs
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup flour
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp salt
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 cup quick oats (like Quaker)
2 tbsp brown sugar

In large bowl, combine pumpkin, eggs and evaporated milk. Add in 1/2 cup sugar, flour, spices, vanilla, salt, and baking powder. Mix well. In small bowl, mix together oats and brown sugar.

Pour into a greased pie pan. Sprinkle with oat mix. Bake at 350 for 55 minutes. Check half way through-if it's getting too brown, cover lightly with aluminum foil for the remainder of the time.

Cool completely before serving.

It's only right to labor for Labor Day.

Wasn't I just talking about dishes? It's only 10:45 in the morning, and I have already done dishes three times. Which can only mean that we're about to do some eating today. (Well, and that we didn't finish them from dinner last night-but that was only the first round.)

Luckily, Ramona was there to help.

That's where she has to be when dishes are being done. It's really convenient and helpful, as you can imagine.

But while she wasn't underfoot, I chopped and stirred and cooked and boiled. And with quite the results, I'm hoping.

Hubby asked for muffins, which means I need to stop baking...it's giving him ideas.

But add in some scrambled eggs (with red onion, tomato and jack cheese), and you've got quite a Sunday morning breakfast.

I also have a BBQ this afternoon, so I offered to bring potato salad-I'm supposed to avoid mayo-based salads that aren't 100% refrigerated (blah, blah salmonella), so I made my mayo-free version (just added a bit of dried thyme this time, which was a good call).

Plus, I love the rainbow of veggies in this one. A lot of chopping, yes, but so pretty and so good.

And with that, I'm getting out of the kitchen and into the pool.

Happy long weekend! Eat well!

Shut up, I'm being domestic!!

Hubby got home from work this evening right as I was mixing batter for zucchini bread. He kissed me hello, then immediately made a face as he glanced at the bowl.

"Um, what...That looks...pukey."

Hello to you, too. And guess what? Youuuu don't have to eat any. (Of course, 40 minutes later I got an, "ok, that smells really good." Too late, my love. All mine.)

Have I mentioned I want carbs? Even if it means I have to bake (gah!) Man, all I can do is thank my dermatologist for recommending Cera-ve to me, cause it has saved my life. My ring fingers are monumentally itchy these days, but the rest of me is doing shockingly well. I am, however, still trying to be conscious of the health factor, and am trying to eat whole-grain versions of things when I can. Low-fat doesn't hurt, either, so I decided to experiment a bit and see what I could do with what seemed like a rather generic zucchini bread recipe.

I substituted most of the white flour with whole grain, and substituted oil with applesauce, which cuts 850 calories and 112 grams of fat from the loaf.* I didn't mess with the sugar, because it needed to be edible.

Verdict? It tastes healthy. But not in a bad way. Moist and wheaty and yummy. And don't worry, dear Kris...the baby is getting plenty of fat. I think. But now you've got me all paranoid about it...

Oh, and preggo brain over here measured in 1 tsp of baking soda instead of baking powder before I realized I was an idiot, so I ended up using 1 tsp of each (soda and powder) instead of the recommended amounts. It didn't affect the taste, but it did make the thing a little...heavy...and didn't rise like it probably should have.

I so love having the baby to blame for my dumbassness. I'm totally using this to my full advantage for the next 6 months. And probably longer. Best. Mom. Ever.


Health(ier) Zucchini Bread
1/2 cup white flour
1 cup wheat flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1.5 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/8 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup applesauce
1/4 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 zucchini, grated

Preheat oven to 350
In medium bowl, combine flours through salt. In Large bowl, combine applesauce, sugars, eggs, and vanilla. Stir in zucchini. Add in flour mixture, and combines gently until just mixed (don't over stir it)

Coat a bread pan with cooking spray (or butter it). Spoon in batter. Cook 55 minutes (Or between 50-60 minutes depending on your oven. If you're not sure it's done, insert a toothpick in the middle and if it comes out clean and not sticky, it's done.) Let cool for 30 minutes, then remove loaf from pan and place on a wire rack until cool.


*The original version says 1/10 of a loaf is a portion and has 253 cals/13g fat. I'm saying that's ridiculous on all counts, and for a far more realistic 1/8 of a loaf portion, my version has 210 cals/2g fat. Or eat the whole damn thing for 1680 calories and 15g of fat. You're welcome.