Let's be real, I don't really care what he eats as long as he eats.

So remember when I was a smug childless and was all, "Geez, parents-feeding-their-toddler-pre-made-crap, get your shit together and cook them some real food?"

Yeaaaaah, sorry about that. I need to get my shit together.

But what do you do when they refuse chicken, but will eat defrosted nuggets dipped in ketchup??

You give them defrosted nuggets with a vat side of ketchup. I would much prefer that E ate actual fresh food, but when he pushes it away (literally)...well, the kid needs to eat.

I really do make the effort to give him the best versions of crap I can. I get the chicken nuggets with the least saturated fat I can find, the organic, wheat frozen waffles, and the all-fish fish sticks. We get the gluten free, organic mac and cheese. The non corn-syrup ketchup. You know, the expensive shit. Yes, sigh, whatever.

And when I caved and bought him some Uncrustables (frozen, pre-made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Oh. EM. Gee.), I got the whole wheat, low sugar version...but I hated myself all the same. I could have made him the same damn thing myself from scratch. So why didn't I?? Cause last night I made him a quesadilla, peas, a sweet potato, and cottage cheese. And he ate the potato. That. Was. It. And maybe I was still a little burnt. OK?? Maybe I know that he likes whole wheat English muffins with peanut butter on them for breakfast, and I knew he loves (LOVES) some berries, so he'd be all over it. And I could actually give him a quick lunch without him sulking outside the baby gate, whining that he's hunnnnnnngry (by means of non-verbal baby bitching, which is so much worse) while I made him something.

DAMN IT PEOPLE, THIS BABY SHIT IS HARD.

Deep breath. SO. When my friend Shawna posted what I'm sure she thought was just a fun "check this out" repost on tumblr today, I died a little.

A cookie recipe with two ingredients. Two. Bananas. Oats. Let's just say I was enjoying my very first "Mama's out on a beach towel killing her weird tan lines while reading an InDesign refresher course manual and possibly checking social media at the same time while bebe naps" mid afternoon break, and it turned into a, "Holy shit, I'm making this NOW" situation.

OMG Ma, these are amazeballs.

The recipe made 10 smallish cookies. E ate 4. I was hoping he'd eat more than that, but he's 15 months old, and I can't reasonably expect my toddler to overcompensate for my eating issues. On the plus side, even if I HAD eaten all of them, I'd have eaten two bananas and a cup of oatmeal. I can deal with that.

More importantly, if that's what he'd eaten, COOL. Oatmeal and a banana? That's like...breakfast. If he wants that for a snack? DONE. Eat as many breakfast cookies as you want, sweet thang.

I thought this was a bit lacking on the sweets department, so I'm gonna add 1 tbsp sugar or a handful of mini chocolate chips and some vanilla next time. Which is gonna be like, tomorrow.

Vegan, Baby-Friendly, Just Make Them Already Cookies
2 large ripe (brown) bananas
1 cup quick cook Oats
1/4 tsp extract (Vanilla? Almond? Pick one. Or none, whatev.)
Dash Cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350
Mash bananas and oats til evenly mixed. Gently include any other ingedients.

Coat cookie sheet with cooking spray (IMPORTANT!), and spoon it out drop-style, aiming for 10-12 cookies.

Cook for 15 minutes. Serve warm, cause they get a little mushy when they're more than a few hours old.They probably won't last that long, though. Cause they're HEALTHY COOKIES AND YOU CAN GORGE ON THEM.

You're welcome.

I'm not exact. You've been warned many times.

I bought my first skillet last month. I don't know why I've never had one. Should I have? I dunno. It seems like an obvious thing to own. But I own a mandolin and never use that, so I assume it evens out somehow.

Anyway, I used it to make Laab tonight, and I now understand why people in the south are fat. 

(Southern food is cooked in skillets. I think? This is a highly unresearched fact I'm dropping right now. Stay with me here.)

Holy crap, everything sticks. You need some serious fat or oil. Or something. I'm a cooking spray devotee and that shit just ain't doing it here. I'm sure using low fat content turkey didn't help anything, but wow. 

On the plus side, I now realize I've been browning meat incorrectly in my nonstick pans all this time and OMG I'VE BEEN DOING THIS WRONG FOR YEEEEEAAARS NOW WHY HAVEN'T I HAD A GODDAMN SKILLET???

Soooo my point is that if you're trying to cook a lower fat meal, or one where your meat isn't supposed to be browned, the skillet is not your friend. 

I'm still glad I got to use it. It's been hanging out in my oven all this time, forgotten until I have a tray full of something ready to be baked (it happens, ok??) and there's a freakin' hot ass skillet chillin' in the middle of the pre-heated rack. This is has obviously led to hand burns, cursing, and many an eye roll. It's happened. It's traumatic.

SO ANYWAY LAAB. LARB, However you want to spell it. I made it, it was great, and I'd give you the recipe, but I didn't write it down and I make it different everytime. I know, this is kind of the worst post ever.

So here's the idea:

One package ground turkey cooked with:
shallot slices (1 or 2)
garlic slices (4 or 5)
lime juice (1?)
salt and pepper

Tossed with:
2 parts lime juice
1 part fish sauce
1 part sugar
chili paste to taste
celery, chopped
cilantro, a handful, chopped
mint, a handful, chopped
green onion, a handful, chopped
cooked rice noodles, a couple servings

Over:
romaine (like a head)

Topped with:
Sriracha to taste
chopped roasted peanuts (the rest of my mostly empty jar)

Seriously, this is my recipe. If you want more specifics (AKA you're not down for a little adventure, you can try this (it's pretty similar to mine) or this or even this.

Do it. It's delicious.

I love how my kitchen smells

When this sort of thing starts happening.

I just put stuff in front of him.

In today's edition of weird things my one year old will eat:
Curried garbanzo beans
Tofu in spicy peanut sauce
Blueberries. Lots. and lots. of blueberries.
Whole wheat, untoasted english muffins
Gluten free corn pasta

Fish sticks
Goulash 

This is not normal food for a 15 month old. Except in our house.

...and totally normal things (or things he loved last month) that he will not eat (I WILL NOT DO NOT GIVE THOSE TO ME I WILL PICK THEM OUT IF YOU TRY AND HIDE THEM IN SOMETHING):
Hot dogs
Broccoli
Grilled cheese (Last week they were the best ever. Last week they were on gluten-free bread. I just don't know.)

Sweet potatoes

Are you alone?

Any other non college sport fan wives/partners/roommates sick of march madness already? OMG, I'm soooo bored. In a brilliant twist of fate, however, Season 5 of Mad Men was released this week, (Um, you can spell Mad Men OUT of March Madness, hello) so I have watched the entire season in my office while the mister watches basketball on the living room tv while watching Giants preseason baseball on my our laptop.

Sigh.

Before you get the wrong idea, he offers to change the channel every evening...it's totally me "being thoughtful." Or something, I don't care. This has been my own little indulgence—I watch what I want, he watches what he wants, and next week we'll go back to watching things together.

God, I love Mad Men. It makes me miss advertising so. Not that I don't still do that...(Hire me!), but most of what I do these days is graphic design (and onesie designs, cause why not) and it just isn't the same.

Again, sigh.


Soooo, I design, I watch indulgent tv,  and I make like 5 meals a day (E is really into scrambled eggs right now). This is my life. And I'm not complaining. But when I break out an old recipe and the hubby comments, "This is always one of my favorites," I do a little swoon inside. Because thank you. I can't always be creative.

Great with something off the grill-chicken, beef, etc.

Tomato, Bean and Mint Salad
Juice from half a lemon
about 2 tbsp rice vinegar
good pinch each sea salt and fresh pepper
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp olive oil
large handful mint, chopped
1 can white beans (or black or pink eyed peas), rinsed and drained
1 package cherry tomatoes, halved

Whisk together lemon, vinegar, S&P, Garlic and olive oil. Mix in mint, beans and tomatoes. Toss well and chill til ready to serve.

Oh, is it snowing?

So, from what I gather, some of you are still dealing with winter. Some of you enjoy this. Some of you, frankly, are nuts.

I live in Southern Cali, and the most snow I'm seeing right now is around the corner, where the local sno-cone shack already opened for the season. I wore a tank top while we ate sushi on a restaurant's patio yesterday. I was told I "got some color" this afternoon. I. am. happy.

I'm also purposefully pretending like it's going to stay this nice and won't turn into the melting wasteland of hell in about a week. I like to say we have four seasons here: Cold, March, Hot, and October. So I'm enjoying every last second of this season while I can.

Cause this also means warm weather food. We broke out the Vietnamese rice paper tonight to make some aptly named summer wraps. I love these because you can use basically any ingredients you want—seasoned and cooked chicken, pork, shrimp, tofu...this time we did ground turkey and as usual, it worked.

Plus they just seem so light and healthy. Until you eat five of them. Whatever. They're mostly green stuff.

Really, they're just Asian burritos, as far as I'm concerned. Grab some meat, some veggies, some hot sauce, wrap it up tight and dip in some more sauce. Have some beer to wash it all down. Yep, that'll do.

Here's what we used. Feel free to experiment and use whatever you want. I like lots of options because then each of my rolls is a little different.

Vietnamese Summer Rolls
Rice paper (bánh tráng—get at Asian markets or Whole Foods, I also like Three Ladies brand if they have it)
Lettuce
Cilantro
Basil
Mint
Carrot, peeled and slivered
Cucumber, peeled and slivered
Ground turkey (recipe below)
Hoisin sauce
Sriracha
Peanut Sauce (recipe below)
Fish sauce dipping sauce (recipe below)
Deep plate or shallow bowl full of warm water

Peanut sauce:
3 parts thai sweet chili sauce
1 part hoisin
1 part reduced fat smooth peanut butter
Splash rice vinegar and water, to thin
Start there and adjust to taste

Fish sauce dipping sauce:
1 garlic clove, minced
3 tbsp brown sugar
5 tbsp fish sauce
3 tbsp rice vinegar
Juice from half a lime
1 tbsp Sriracha
Start there and adjust to taste

For the turkey:
Spray a saute pan with cooking oil and brown the turkey for a few minutes, then break up, add minced garlic cloves and green chiles, and continue cooking another 4-5 minutes until it's just about cooked through. Add about 1/4 cup of the fish sauce dipping sauce, and saute until cooked through, another minute or so.

For the rolls:
Take a rice paper wrapper and dip into the water, spinning it around in your hand so the entire paper gets wet. Go around the whole paper twice, then lay onto your plate. arrange desired ingredients down the center of the paper. By this time, the paper should be soft and pliable, but sticky, so gently fold the "short" ends over the filling, then fold one big side over the filling, tucking and rolling over to make a burrito type thing. Get it as tight as you can.

Basil and Hoisin vs. Mint and Peanut Sauce

This probably makes little sense. Just try it. You'll get better every time. I actually do one long end and THEN the short ends, then roll, but hubby insists that's the "wrong" way. I think he's just mad cause mine look better than his do.

I'm not even going to think about what is in sausage.

I should preface this post by explaining that we live half a block away from one of the best butcher shops in town. And we live in Meat City, so that's saying something.

Hubby brought home some sausage the other day, some Kickin' Chicken and some Sweet Italian. Told me he knew I'd only asked for steaks, but we could find "something" to do with it. Then helpfully added that Sausages and Peppers would be good.

Sigh. 

Sausages and Peppers? What? I'm questionable on bell peppers, and the idea of a Meat Lovers pizza makes me want to make immature icky-poo faces ( I don't actually know anything else sausage is good for, other than sliced up and served with hot mustard as appetizers).

And so to the internet I went. I found a couple of recipes that seemed simple enough (I didn't want to get crazy here), and hubs asked if we could add pasta to it (no, I don't know why he didn't just make it himself), so I dug around and found some small elbow macaroni to add to this business.

Turns out it smelled delicious (especially once the basil was in), and it looked gorgeous. Here was the finished recipe that actually made it to the table. And yes, it was delicious. Even for a non meat/pepper lover. Seriously.

Sausages and Peppers with Pasta
Spray oil
4 uncooked sausages (about 1 lb), your choice of flavor, but mild is best
1 tbsp olive oil
1 red onion, halved and sliced
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 orange bell pepper, halved and sliced (or green or red)
1 yellow bell pepper, halved and sliced (or green or red)
1 tsp dried oregano
about 1/4 cup thinly sliced basil
1/4 cup white wine (I used pinot grigio)
About 3 servings cooked pasta (al dente; any shape you like)
1/4 tsp salt
good pinch fresh pepper
Parmesan (optional)

Coat a large pan with cooking spray and heat over medium high heat. Add sausages and brown each side around 3 minutes (let them rest against each other if it makes it easier to get each side.)

Remove sausages to large cutting board or plate.

Add onion and garlic to pan. Sauté about 3 minutes. Add bell pepper, wine, and oregano. Stir occasionally, about 5 minutes.

In the meantime, slice sausages.

Add sausage and basil to mix and cook about 3-4 minutes or until sausage is hot and no longer pink. Add cooked, drained pasta, toss well, and cook until everything is heated through.

Season with salt and pepper as needed and Parmesan if desired.

Yeah, and?

Sometimes the best pantry meal you can come up with really IS defrosted chicken thighs with buffalo sauce, ranch beans, and bagged salad.

...and by "buffalo sauce," I mean "the rest of the Frank's that was in the fridge."

But I chopped some carrots. It's not like I made ZERO effort here.

Canned pears are not to be underestimated.

Here's what I hate about feeding a baby. On Tuesday and Wednesday, said baby LOVES pears. Not fresh pears you've peeled and chopped, mind you. He loves the canned pears you've painstakingly chosen due to their low sugar content and own-juice marinating they've been doing. (No heavy syrup, thanks.) Whatever. He wants to eat something other than cheese, peas, or yogurt. I. don't. care. On Thursday, you offer him these same pears, but since they have been refrigerated, or because they've been open for more than 6 hours, or simply because babies are just kind of jerks sometimes, damnit, he's not having ANY of it. And so you find other things to do with the can of sliced pears. (And the juice. Don't drain too quickly) Blue Cheese Topped Pork Chops with Pear and Blue Cheese Arugula Salad   Salad from a Sandra Lee Recipe (serves 2 large servings)  2 tbsp pear juice 1.5 tbsp Olive Oil .5 tbsp Balsamic Vinegar Pinch each salt and pepper Several cups Baby Arugula (4? What's in a bag?) About 8 pear slices (slice the canned slices in half) 2 tbsp blue cheese 2 tbsp candied pecan pieces (whatever you find that look good. Mine were honey glazed) Combine pear juice, oil and vinegar and S&P. Toss with Arugula. Top with pear, blue cheese and pecan. Blue Cheese Pork Chops  Two boneless pork chops salt and pepper dried thyme blue cheese Spray oil water Season each chop well with S&P and thyme. (A good pinch of each) Cook over high heat for 3 minutes until brown, and then flip. Cook another 3 minutes, then add a 1/4 of water of so, cover, and cook another 6-8 minutes or so until cooked through. When almost done, sprinkle blue cheese on top, cover (with heat off) and let sit a few minutes until cheese has mostly melted. Served with multi-grain rice. Because E usually will eat the leftovers.

You should make this curry after you hire me.

As usual, the new year has brought some changes around my house…Hubby's still busting his ass, getting paid far less than he's worth, E's been requiring more and more attention (and therefore requiring more nanny hours), and this exhausted mama has officially gone freelance, meaning way more flexibility, way more new work needed, way more say over the projects I do choose to work, and unfortunately, (for the time being, anyway) way less regular income. In other words, we're broke asses, and having to meal plan again.

And this is where I ever so gracefully segue into telling you how to reach me for any freelance design projects you may need: Pamhuberdesigns.com. And I'm currently working on jobs in Cali (branding, packaging design and a direct mail campaign), Kentucky (logo), and Florida (wedding invites) so I'm freakin' national right now. Email and Skype are my BFFs. Fingers in the hang loose sign, wiggling by my ear. Call me! 

And so I've been trolling the usual sites, looking for new ideas. I'm hoping that when they do work, I'll be lucid enough by the end of the day to actually write them down for you.

This original recipe is actually called Chickpea Curry with Basmati Rice, so when my basmati-obsessed Hubby walked into the kitchen, saw me measuring brown rice and subsequently glanced at my recipe, he of course so helpfully offered, "It says Basmati…?"

1. Read the ingredients, buddy. It says OR brown rice. 2. I'm cooking, you're eating. Shhhhhh.

Also awesome as leftovers with cooked red meat heated up with it. We used leftover tri-tip, but next time Hubs wants to try lamb.

Vegetarian Chickpea Curry
Cooked brown rice (Get a bag, follow directions for 1 cup. Heads up: it takes about 45 minutes)
Canola oil (about a tbsp)
3 large shallots, thinly sliced
5 garlic cloves, minced
3 tsp garam masala
2 tsp madras curry
 large pinch (fresh white) pepper
2 cans chickpeas, rinsed/drained
1 29oz can crushed tomato
1 6oz package baby spinach
About 1/2 cup nonfat greek yogurt
Large handful chopped cilantro
Salt to taste (1/2 tsp or so)
Good squeeze fresh lemon juice

In large soup pot or dutch oven, heat oil over medium high. Add shallot and saute a couple of minutes. Add garlic, cook another minute or two. Add garam masala, curry and pepper and saute 30 seconds or so.

Stir in chickpeas and tomato, and cook about 4 minutes over medium heat or until hot. Gently stir in spinach until wilted, a minute or two. Turn off heat and stir in yogurt, cilantro and salt. Stir in lemon juice. Serve over rice.