Let's be real, I don't really care what he eats as long as he eats.

So remember when I was a smug childless and was all, "Geez, parents-feeding-their-toddler-pre-made-crap, get your shit together and cook them some real food?"

Yeaaaaah, sorry about that. I need to get my shit together.

But what do you do when they refuse chicken, but will eat defrosted nuggets dipped in ketchup??

You give them defrosted nuggets with a vat side of ketchup. I would much prefer that E ate actual fresh food, but when he pushes it away (literally)...well, the kid needs to eat.

I really do make the effort to give him the best versions of crap I can. I get the chicken nuggets with the least saturated fat I can find, the organic, wheat frozen waffles, and the all-fish fish sticks. We get the gluten free, organic mac and cheese. The non corn-syrup ketchup. You know, the expensive shit. Yes, sigh, whatever.

And when I caved and bought him some Uncrustables (frozen, pre-made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Oh. EM. Gee.), I got the whole wheat, low sugar version...but I hated myself all the same. I could have made him the same damn thing myself from scratch. So why didn't I?? Cause last night I made him a quesadilla, peas, a sweet potato, and cottage cheese. And he ate the potato. That. Was. It. And maybe I was still a little burnt. OK?? Maybe I know that he likes whole wheat English muffins with peanut butter on them for breakfast, and I knew he loves (LOVES) some berries, so he'd be all over it. And I could actually give him a quick lunch without him sulking outside the baby gate, whining that he's hunnnnnnngry (by means of non-verbal baby bitching, which is so much worse) while I made him something.

DAMN IT PEOPLE, THIS BABY SHIT IS HARD.

Deep breath. SO. When my friend Shawna posted what I'm sure she thought was just a fun "check this out" repost on tumblr today, I died a little.

A cookie recipe with two ingredients. Two. Bananas. Oats. Let's just say I was enjoying my very first "Mama's out on a beach towel killing her weird tan lines while reading an InDesign refresher course manual and possibly checking social media at the same time while bebe naps" mid afternoon break, and it turned into a, "Holy shit, I'm making this NOW" situation.

OMG Ma, these are amazeballs.

The recipe made 10 smallish cookies. E ate 4. I was hoping he'd eat more than that, but he's 15 months old, and I can't reasonably expect my toddler to overcompensate for my eating issues. On the plus side, even if I HAD eaten all of them, I'd have eaten two bananas and a cup of oatmeal. I can deal with that.

More importantly, if that's what he'd eaten, COOL. Oatmeal and a banana? That's like...breakfast. If he wants that for a snack? DONE. Eat as many breakfast cookies as you want, sweet thang.

I thought this was a bit lacking on the sweets department, so I'm gonna add 1 tbsp sugar or a handful of mini chocolate chips and some vanilla next time. Which is gonna be like, tomorrow.

Vegan, Baby-Friendly, Just Make Them Already Cookies
2 large ripe (brown) bananas
1 cup quick cook Oats
1/4 tsp extract (Vanilla? Almond? Pick one. Or none, whatev.)
Dash Cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350
Mash bananas and oats til evenly mixed. Gently include any other ingedients.

Coat cookie sheet with cooking spray (IMPORTANT!), and spoon it out drop-style, aiming for 10-12 cookies.

Cook for 15 minutes. Serve warm, cause they get a little mushy when they're more than a few hours old.They probably won't last that long, though. Cause they're HEALTHY COOKIES AND YOU CAN GORGE ON THEM.

You're welcome.

Someone explain Pintrest to me. And also, my cookie obsession.

I don't really get this whole Pintrest thing. Maybe I'm using it wrong? It just seems to me like a glorified version of Delicious, which saves bookmarks online rather than locally on your computer. But everyone can see and comment on them. Am I wrong? A lot of you are already following me, but I'm mainly just using it as a place to bookmark recipes so it makes it easier to use my phone as a reference in the kitchen, so don't expect too much from me. You will, however, probably find a lot of my tweaked recipes in their original forms, so you know...whatever that means.

As a designer, I totally understand the need to catalog inspiration. It's the public part I don't get. It makes me feel old and crotchety to say this, but unless you're asking me to buy it for your birthday, I don't give a shit what yellow sweater you like. YOU should care, and I appreciate your using one location to organize links to them should you decide to actually buy one, but I certainly don't need to follow as you pin sixteen of them.

That said, feel free to pin any of my posts. It'll do wonders for my self esteem, I imagine.

The original recipe for this Mexican-esque White Chili (which, yes, is on my Pintrest) calls for 5 cups of chicken broth, which is insane—I cut it to 3 cups and it was still far too soupy. So I'm recommending you start with 2 cups and add more as needed. Also, I was out of garlic (AKA hadn't used any in so long it was rotten) and used about a teaspoon of garlic powder instead, and it was fine. I also happen to love cinnamon in chili, but you may not, so maybe start with half the amount if you aren't sure.

Oh, and what are those baked goods in the background, you ask? I'm not supposed to be baking anymore, but they're the best oatmeal cookies pretty much eva, so I'll spill (recipe at bottom...I think it's the almond extract, so don't skip that part unless you have to).

White Bean Chili
Package ground turkey
One small onion, chopped
Couple cloves garlic, minced
7 oz can green chiles, chopped (or two 4 oz cans of pre-chopped)
About 1 tsp cinnamon
1 tbsp cumin
1/2 tsp cayenne (or to taste)
1/4 tsp ground white pepper
Chicken broth (up to 3 cups)
3 cans cannelloni beans
about 2 cups jack or cheddar cheese ( I used two kinds of cheddar)
Cilantro to serve
Tortillas to serve

In a stock pot or Dutch oven, sauté turkey, onion and garlic over medium high heat until turkey is completely cooked, about 8-10 minutes.

Add cinnamon, cumin, pepper, cayenne and chiles and continue sauteeing another few minutes.

Stir in about 2 cups of broth. Drain two of the cans of beans, and add to meat. Drain about half the liquid from the third can, and then empty contents into a blender or food processor and blend til smooth. Again, here's an example of when it's awesome to have an immersion blender-just stick it right in the can. Add bean "paste" and about 1 1/2 cups cheese to the pot and stir. Let mixture simmer about 15 minutes, adding more broth if desired.

Serve with warm tortillas and top with remaining cheese and chopped cilantro. And sour cream, if it's too spicy for you...


Ridiculous Oatmeal Cookies
1 1/3 c flour
1 1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 1/3 cup sugar
1 tbsp molasses
2/3 cup sugar (softened)
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp almond extract
Handful chocolate and/or butterscotch chips (1/4 to 1/2 cup)
1 1/3 cup ready-to-cook oats (Quaker, etc.)

Heat oven to 350. In medium bowl, combine flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon.

In large bowl, mix butter, sugar and molasses with a hand blender until smooth. Beat in egg, vanilla and almond. Mix in flour mixture.

When well combined, stir in oats and chips-it will be really thick. Drop smallish globs onto a cookie sheet (12 per sheet) and cook about 12 minutes or until beginning to brown. Let cool a few minutes before transferring to wire rack.

Makes 3 dozen. I can't stop eating them.

Ok, I'm done. The oven needs a time out.

I'm hoping this is it for the baking for awhile..I'm out of flour, and besides, my ass definitely does not need any more cookies. Breastfeeding or not, I need to cool it on the junk and get back into shape.

But that's next week. I'm not supposed to work out until I get the doc's go ahead, so let's pretend that's a carte blanc for fatkid atrocities in the meantime.

Chocolate and Butterscotch Chip Cookies
1 cup and 2 tbsp flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 egg
3/4 cup chocolate chips (semi-sweet)
1/4 cup butterscotch chips

Heat oven to 375.

Combine flour, salt and baking soda in a small bowl. In large bowl, mix butter, sugars and vanilla until smooth and creamy. Beat in egg. Add in flour mixture a bit at a time until well combined. Stir in chocolate and butterscotch.

Drop small mounds of dough onto cookie sheet with spoons or your fingers. You should fit a dozen on each tray (makes two dozen). Cook at 375 for 10 minutes or until golden brown at edges. Let cool on a wire rack.

It's getting out of hand here.

Two more bake sale options for you this week...I volunteered to take some cookies to a picnic this weekend (and I don't buy things for potlucks unless I'm forced to) plus I have a very pregnant girlfriend who has moved past her ice cream addiction and onto cookies in her last few weeks, so I figured I'd kill two birds and bake enough for both.

You can substitute regular chocolate chips for the butterscotch if you want, and use whatever granola you like (including with fruit/nuts). Just keep the pieces small.

Granola Butterscotch Cookies
1 1/4 cups flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup butter (1 stick), room temp
3/4 cup sugar
1 large egg
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup granola, small pieces (I used Quaker natural granola with almonds)
1/2 cup butterscotch chips

In small bowl, combine flour, salt and baking soda.

In large bowl, combine sugar, butter and vanilla, and mix well until creamy. Beat in egg. Add flour mixture a bit at a time until combined. Stir in granola and chips.

Drop by small spoonful (or fingers) onto cookie sheet. Should make about two dozen.

Bake at 350 for about 12 min or just turning golden. Cool a bit and move to wire rack. Store in Tupperware or ziplock.

Sleep when he sleeps, my ass. I've got shit to do.

I so hate to brag, but I'm writing this with one hand. Because you know what's hard to do while holding/feeding a four week old?

Everything.

So you know what else is amazing? In the past 36 hours I've:

• Done three loads of laundry (and even folded/put away one of them...so far)
• Taken two showers (one with shampoo and a blow-dry)
• Put make-up on (once)
• Gone to the post office
• Bought coffee at 7-11
• Gotten Lil' E in the Bjorn all by myself*

• Gotten five freelance jobs prepped and ordered
• Bought cereal and wine at Fresh & Easy
• Picked up my paycheck (my 'leave'check, I should say)
• Eaten one meal while it was still hot
• Kept the bear cub fed, alive, bathed and mostly** dry
• Oh, and most importantly***, I baked Snickerdoodles

Normally, I could probably do all of these things during, like, an episode of Desperate Housewives. Which, that reminds me, I actually watched while feeding the cub one of his 13 meals yesterday.

*Photo actually taken 2 weeks ago on our first outing, but my mom says I look rested and pretty. I call that "sunglasses." This is actually today. How is he that much bigger in 2 weeks??

**I cloth diaper part-time. They do not keep him dry. I imagine it's like sleeping in a warm, wet towel. Nasty.
***Ok, maybe this shouldn't take precedence over my child's well-being. But you don't know how badly I wanted a cookie. Also, it's baking. It's gross how much I've been doing this lately.

Did everyone but me realize that Snickerdoodles are just butter cookies rolled in cinnamon and sugar? I've always loved them, but never thought to make them. I thought they'd be more of a hassle than they were worth. I was wrong.

Snickerdoodles
1 cup plus 2 tbsp flour (I mixed white and wheat)
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup butter, softened
! cup sugar
1 egg
1 tsp or so of vanilla
1 tsp or so of cinnamon
1/4 cup or so sugar

Combine flour, baking powder and salt in a bowl.

In a larger bowl, combine butter and sugar, beating until creamy. I used a hand mixer and it was a pain in the ass. I imagine you could also do it by hand or in a stand up mixer. Whatever gets it done.

Add egg and mix in completely. Beat in vanilla, then add flour mixture a bit at a time until dough is combined. It should be really thick and fairly hard. Cover with plastic wrap and stick in the fridge for an hour of so.

Heat oven to 375.

Combine remaining sugar and cinnamon on a plate or shallow dish. Pull off small pieces of dough and roll into small balls (an inch or so across) with your hands. Roll each ball in the sugar mixture and place on cookie sheet. A dozen should fit on each sheet-recipe makes 2 dozen.

Using your hand, the bottom of a glass or a spatula, press each ball down to flatten out a bit. Cook at 375 for 10 minutes. Cool a few minutes before transferring to wire rack. Or just eat them all hot, either way.

This baby is confused.

Apparently E thinks his/her mother likes to bake. Cause this baby wants cookies. And despite my best attempts to get out of it, here I am, again, "baking."

Seriously. Best attempts.

I have no oven.
I have no butter.
I have no white sugar.
I have a half cup of brown sugar.

And yet here. I. am. I found a sugar-free recipe that seemed too easy and interesting to pass over, so I gave it a shot and played with it a bit. It recommended you use a stand-up mixer, but I just used a hand mixer. I'm sure you could use a spoon, but that really sounds like more hell than its worth.

It's just a sugar cookie, but with more of a honey taste (obviously). Not over-sweet. A little dense. But not bad. Next time maybe I'll try almond extract. Oh, and without any raw egg, these make great prego cookies, cause you can gorge on the dough (which I liked better than the cookies themselves). Extra points there.

The Despite My Best Effort Not To Cookie
1.5 cups flour
3/4 cup margarine (Country Crock)
1/4 cup honey (orange blossom)
1 tsp vanilla extract
Cinnamon (a good shake or two)

Mix flour and margarine until well blended (see photo).

Slowly incorporate honey, vanilla and cinnamon. When well mixed, dust your hands with hands with flour and shape dough into a ball, drop onto flour-dusted board.

Knead just a bit until very smooth and not sticky, then roll out and cut with a cookie cutter. Or a shot glass, if you don't own that sort of thing (raises hand).

Bake at 325 for about 10-12 minutes until til golden brown. Remove and cool.

Note: I did about a dozen like this, then added a handful of white chocolate chips and worked them into the dough. Then made balls with the rest of the dough and flattened with my hand instead of rolling out. I don't particularly like white chocolate to begin with, but they didn't really add anything and actually made the honey taste stronger. Though I did like the way they caramelized and added a burnt sugar taste. So overall not the best idea; I was just playing around. I just wanted to explain why you see some weird cookies in the pic.

About 2 dozen small cookies, 56ish calories each.

No, seriously, I need an oven.

There's a fun new game in my house, and it's called "Let's see how comfortable I can get in the crib before Pam comes and kicks me out." Factor in how long it takes me to get off the couch every time I hear the crackle of aluminum foil (Note to interweb advice-givers: aluminum foil does not keep cats off of surfaces. At least, not these cats. Not even a little bit.), and it keeps me fairly busy.

Yes, I can keep the door closed. But a perpetually closed door just seems to make the baby's room that much more intriguing, and I'm trying to adjust them gradually...learned behavior...reinforcement, blah, blah, blah. Wish me luck.

Yes, my life is so hard. I know. Unfortunately, I currently have people in my life who have actual problems. And I love said people dearly, and am really bummed out that I'm not able to leave town to see them right now. So last night I decided to put together a little Chemo Care Package. Some fun scarves, some new music, and some homemade ginger cookies. Ginger helps with nausea...I have no idea if cookies do the same. I hope they do. (And if not, that at least they cheer you up, Doc. I love you, and I Hate cancer. Capital H. No one, least of all you, deserves this shit.)

So between the cat-wrangling and baking 5 cookies at a time in my toaster oven, it was an interesting night filled with a soundtrack of aluminum crinkling and timers dinging. And cookies being eaten. I may have eaten a few cookies. Or three. Cause they're pretty damn good. And the baby wanted them. (And they're only 102 calories each!)

Ginger Cookies
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 slightly full tsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground cloves
1/4 tsp salt
3/4 cup margarine (I used Country Crock with Calcium)
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1 tbsp orange juice (or you can just use water)
1/4 cup molasses

Combine dry ingredients (flour, soda, ginger, cinnamon, cloves, salt). In a large bowl, mix together margarine and sugar until completely combined and a little fluffy. Beat in the egg, then add the juice and molasses.

Gradually mix in the dry ingredients (About a third at a time) until completely combined. Put dough in the refrigerator for about a half hour. (Otherwise it will be crazy sticky when you try and form balls.)

Heat oven to 350.
Shape dough into balls a little bigger than an inch across. (If it's still sticky, try dropping them in a bit of sugar before you rolls them in your hands.) Place on cookie sheet with about 2 inches in between each. Flatten each cookie gently with your hand or a spatula. Cook for about 9 minutes, the let cool a couple of minutes before removing to a wire rack.

Makes about 24-25 cookies.

Olive Oil Cookies

I know, olive oil...cookies? It just sounds so wrong. But one of the Iron Chefs busted out some olive oil cake the other night, and I was intrigued enough to look it up. And all over the internet there are recipes, and there are ravings. Enough to, again, intrigue me.

When I found a New York Times recipe for these cookies, the mix of wine, sugar, rosemary and pepper was just too weird to pass up. Plus, I knew the Pepper Project would love anything that showcased kampot pepper, so I wanted to review it for them. And so, with the visiting Russian as my Sous Chef (who is down for anything involving wine), it was time to bake.

Don't go into these expecting "cookies," and you won't be disappointed. They're more scone-like, actually...sweeter than a biscuit, and not as crumbly or dry. The pepper gave an awesome spiciness every now and then, and the rosemary gives it an earthy, unusual flavor. I like them. The main problem is I don't know when I would make them, since they seem to go best with wine. Maybe as a savory dessert? An afternoon tea alternative? Cause I'm sure you guys are all about the afternoon tea...

Olive Oil Cookies
2.5 cups flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
small pinch of salt
heaping 1/8 tsp fresh ground kampot (or black) pepper
1/2 tsp dried rosemary, chopped
3/4 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup olive oil (virgin or extra-virgin)
3/4 cup red wine

Heat oven to 375. Combine flour, baking powder, salt, pepper, rosemary and sugar. In medium small bowl, whisk together the eggs, oil and wine. Stir the oil mixture into dry ingredients, mixing lightly just until combined.

Spray or grease cooking sheet with olive oil. Drop batter by teaspoon onto sheet. Again, I don't recommend using a toaster oven for cookies, but some of us do what we have to. They really don't spread much, so you can fit quite a few on a tiny sheet.

Bake 12-15 minutes or until they begin to brown. Remove to a rack to cool.

Look at me baking.

Toaster ovens are not the same as ovens. They don't cook as evenly, the food is generally too close to the heat source, and they're damn small. But when your regular oven doesn't work...well, you use what you've got, even if it means cooking 5 batches of cookies cause you can only fit 6 on a sheet at a time.

I was craving macaroons...and I needed to use the rest of the coconut in the fridge before it went bad. If coconut goes bad...actually, I have no idea. But it must. Anyway, turns out the toaster oven worked just fine, even if it did take 3 times as long as it needed to. (Using the convection setting is much more effective than the toaster setting, btw. In general, I mean...cookies, it/I can handle. Toast, not so much.)

Oh, and if you have a low-fat recipe for macaroons, send it my way, wouldya? These get compliments galore, but they are not good for my ass.


Chewy Coconut Macaroons

1 egg white, beaten with a whisk until foamy
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp almond extract (use two tsp of vanilla if you don't have almond)
1 can sweetened condensed milk (if they have fat-free, use it)
1 14oz bag shredded coconut

Combine all ingredients in large bowl (I beat the egg in it and then added everything to it).

Heat oven to 350.

Coat cookie sheet with cooking spray. Using a spoon or your hands, make balls about 1 inch across or so, and drop onto sheet. Cook each batch 15-20 minutes or til they turn golden brown. Remove immediately from sheet using a spatula and transfer to a cooling rack. They'll be soft, so don't worry too much if they don't stay together perfectly. Let cool. Makes about 30 cookies.