I'm hoping you don't still have turkey in your tupperware, but...

I've been trying to write down my recipes ( I swear). BUT, my laptop has decided to make itself my personal nemesis, and only decides to charge when it's in the mood (I swear!).

Today, it's in the mood. And E asked to nap at 11:30 (I feel like I'm having to swear a LOT today) and Hubs is out of town for another few hours, and I have mimosas, soooo let's talk turkey!

Are we sick of it? I'm totally over it. We didn't even have it on Thanksgiving (prime rib this year!) but we did take pity on my poor baby sister who spent her Thanksgiving sick at home alone (her story, anyway) and had her over on Sunday and made a smallish turkey breast with all the  leftovers fixings.

Even still, we've been stuck with leftovers all week. I'm going to attempt a brie, asparagus and turkey breast (with sun dried tomatoes for me) pasta with the last of it tonight. I'm hoping it turns out at well as the Chef's Salad I made the other night. Cause that? Was. Delicious.

Chef's Salad is soooo easy. And I never, ever make it. I never think of it—partially because it always seems so fattening. Though I love wedge salad, and that's totally not better. It's actually rather a dumb salad, really. At least a Chef has a wide range of delicious, albeit fattening, toppings.

ANYWAY,  I used low-fat blue cheese dressing, only a sprinkle of gorgonzola, and organic bacon bits rather than fresh bacon. Egg is protein. Avocado is healthy fat? So I figure it's totally acceptable once in awhile. Maybe this can be a post-Thanksgiving tradition? And hello, we all have leftover chicken ALL YEAR LONG. Oh, god. We're going to get so fat.

Turkey Chef Salad (serves 2 dinner portions)
One bag mixed greens/romaine
Light blue cheese dressing
Chopped or cubed cooked and cooled turkey (or chicken)
1 half avocado, cubed
Bagged bacon bits/pieces
2 hard boiled eggs, shelled and sliced
Cherry tomatoes, halved
Gorgonzola or blue cheese
Pepper to taste

Arrange salad greens on a plate. Drizzle with dressing. Line up all the other ingredients all pretty-like. Sprinkle with pepper, if desired.

And, done. Seriously. So easy. Go eat it and get Thanksgiving out of your fridge and minds for awhile.

Let's be real, I don't really care what he eats as long as he eats.

So remember when I was a smug childless and was all, "Geez, parents-feeding-their-toddler-pre-made-crap, get your shit together and cook them some real food?"

Yeaaaaah, sorry about that. I need to get my shit together.

But what do you do when they refuse chicken, but will eat defrosted nuggets dipped in ketchup??

You give them defrosted nuggets with a vat side of ketchup. I would much prefer that E ate actual fresh food, but when he pushes it away (literally)...well, the kid needs to eat.

I really do make the effort to give him the best versions of crap I can. I get the chicken nuggets with the least saturated fat I can find, the organic, wheat frozen waffles, and the all-fish fish sticks. We get the gluten free, organic mac and cheese. The non corn-syrup ketchup. You know, the expensive shit. Yes, sigh, whatever.

And when I caved and bought him some Uncrustables (frozen, pre-made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Oh. EM. Gee.), I got the whole wheat, low sugar version...but I hated myself all the same. I could have made him the same damn thing myself from scratch. So why didn't I?? Cause last night I made him a quesadilla, peas, a sweet potato, and cottage cheese. And he ate the potato. That. Was. It. And maybe I was still a little burnt. OK?? Maybe I know that he likes whole wheat English muffins with peanut butter on them for breakfast, and I knew he loves (LOVES) some berries, so he'd be all over it. And I could actually give him a quick lunch without him sulking outside the baby gate, whining that he's hunnnnnnngry (by means of non-verbal baby bitching, which is so much worse) while I made him something.

DAMN IT PEOPLE, THIS BABY SHIT IS HARD.

Deep breath. SO. When my friend Shawna posted what I'm sure she thought was just a fun "check this out" repost on tumblr today, I died a little.

A cookie recipe with two ingredients. Two. Bananas. Oats. Let's just say I was enjoying my very first "Mama's out on a beach towel killing her weird tan lines while reading an InDesign refresher course manual and possibly checking social media at the same time while bebe naps" mid afternoon break, and it turned into a, "Holy shit, I'm making this NOW" situation.

OMG Ma, these are amazeballs.

The recipe made 10 smallish cookies. E ate 4. I was hoping he'd eat more than that, but he's 15 months old, and I can't reasonably expect my toddler to overcompensate for my eating issues. On the plus side, even if I HAD eaten all of them, I'd have eaten two bananas and a cup of oatmeal. I can deal with that.

More importantly, if that's what he'd eaten, COOL. Oatmeal and a banana? That's like...breakfast. If he wants that for a snack? DONE. Eat as many breakfast cookies as you want, sweet thang.

I thought this was a bit lacking on the sweets department, so I'm gonna add 1 tbsp sugar or a handful of mini chocolate chips and some vanilla next time. Which is gonna be like, tomorrow.

Vegan, Baby-Friendly, Just Make Them Already Cookies
2 large ripe (brown) bananas
1 cup quick cook Oats
1/4 tsp extract (Vanilla? Almond? Pick one. Or none, whatev.)
Dash Cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350
Mash bananas and oats til evenly mixed. Gently include any other ingedients.

Coat cookie sheet with cooking spray (IMPORTANT!), and spoon it out drop-style, aiming for 10-12 cookies.

Cook for 15 minutes. Serve warm, cause they get a little mushy when they're more than a few hours old.They probably won't last that long, though. Cause they're HEALTHY COOKIES AND YOU CAN GORGE ON THEM.

You're welcome.

Olive Cheese Bread

I cannot get enough bread these days. My absolute best friend is currently the Il Fornaio loaf at Fresh & Easy. It's the best heat and serve loaf ever. Ever. And they come in full loaves and little personal sized ones if you're not planning on gorging yourself (right.). Carb heaven, let me tell you.

And what makes fresh bread better? Cheese. And Olives. Obviously. Damn it, Sam.

No joke, these are ridiculous. Maybe you don't need to pile them as high with olives as we did, but if you do, I'm certainly not going to judge...

Olive Cheese Bread
2 to 3 minced garlic cloves
olive oil
1 shallot, thinly sliced
Regular or reduced fat crumbled blue cheese or gorgonzola
Kalamata olives, chopped

Heat over to 425.
Cut bread in half, lengthwise, and lay crust side down. Drizzle olive oil lightly over bread, then sprinkle with garlic, using a knife to spread it out a bit. Arrange shallot in an even layer across bread halves. Top with cheese and olives, then bake about 15 minutes. Serve hot.

I need easy right now.

I'm tired, I'm lazy, and my freakin' belly hurts when I'm on my feet too long. Round Ligament pain. It's awesome.

Plus, I'm gaining weight right now just looking at food. I've been trying to do yoga more regularly, which really does seem to help me sleep better, but it's not exactly burning a ton of calories. I was walking a half hour after work, which felt great, but then we had the shift to winter that seriously happens overnight around here, and I'm a big pansy about working out outside when my nose is cold. (It hurts, ok?) My point is, I'm not burning as many calories as I should be, and while I'm "supposed" to be gaining weight right now, I'm trying not to over do it.

So back to depending on Cooking Light, where I can generally find recipes that are short on ingredients and prep time, and long on possibilities (I never seem to use their "as written" directions.) Oh, and their portion sizes are totally decent, so I've been better about having my one helping and then getting to give the eyeball to the hubby when he goes back for more.

This week we're doing easy. There will be some chopping, of course, but I'll keep it to a minimum, I promise. Oh, and if I haven't recommended the Garlic Zoom before, stick it in your own stocking this year. It's probably my most used kitchen tool, and makes anything with garlic a breeze. No knives, no mess.

First up—Thai Beef Stir-fry, which was delicious. I bought pre-sliced meat and frozen beans, which sped this up quite a bit. Flavors were great-tasted pretty hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurant to me. Didn't take much time, either, just make sure and have everything ready to go as soon as you get the wok (or big fry pan) heated up.

Thai Beef Stir-fry
1/2 tsp salt
8 garlic cloves, minced
1 tsp chili paste
about a 1 inch section ginger, minced
1 tbsp lemongrass (from a tube)
zest from one lime (quarter the lime as garnish/to top)
cooking spray
1 lb stir fry beef steak (or flank steak, sliced thinly)
1 package frozen cut green beans
1 tbsp sugar
3 tbsp fish sauce
2 tsp cider vinegar
About a cup basil leaves, whole
Cooked jasmine or white rice, to serve

In small bowl, combine salt, garlic, chili, ginger, lemongrass and zest. In another small bowl, combine sugar, fish sauce and vinegar, stirring til sugar is dissolved.

In hot wok, coat with cooking spray, then add paste and stir fry quickly, about 30 seconds. Add beef, and continue stir frying another two minutes or so. Add beans and about a tsp water, and cook about 3-4 minutes, moving everything the whole time until beans are hot. Pour in fish sauce mixture, and cook another minute or until meat is cooked (Mine came out medium, so it may take longer if you want it more cooked). Turn off heat and stir in basil leaves until they begin to wilt. Serve over hot rice with lime wedges and sriracha to taste.

Per serving (add another 150 for 3/4 cup rice):
258/4 servings
345/3 servings

Well, this was not what we expected.

Before yesterday, this was exactly how much I knew about chicken tetrazzini. Which, really, was plenty, because it's been an ongoing joke in our house for no particular reason other that it's just fun to say.



Is it southern? Is it pasta? Is it a casserole? Why is it named after an opera singer? I just don't know.

But what I do know is that this is some cheesy, delicious, keep-a-man goodness. Hubby took a bite, looked at me, and said exactly what I was thinking, "Well, I had no idea what to expect, but this was not it. Thumbs up."

Chicken Tetrazzini
2 tsp butter
1/2 medium onion, finely chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 stalks celery, finely chopped
1/2 tsp salt
large pinch fresh ground pepper
1 package sliced mushrooms
1/3 cup frozen peas
1/3 cup vermouth
1/4 cup flour
1 and 1/3 cup chicken broth
1 cup grated parmesan
4 tbsp reduced fat cream cheese
1/2 box vermicelli or thin spagetti noodles (8 oz)
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts, cooked (375 for 25 min. or so)

Break pasta in half. Bring a large pot of water to a boil, and cook pasta about 4-5 minutes. When done, drain. Chop the cooked chicken into bite sized pieces and set aside.

Melt butter in a large pot (make sure it's big...a stock pot or dutch oven will work well). Add onion, garlic, celery, salt, and pepper. After about a minute, add mushrooms and peas, and stir fry everything for about 4 minutes, stirring often. Add vermouth and cook about a minute.

Add flour a bit at a time, stirring constantly. It's going to get crazy thick and will seem impossible, but keep whisking and stirring and try and get out all the lumps. After a couple of minutes, add broth slowly, stirring constantly. It should still be really thick, so bring to a boil then reduce to low and still stir often, making sure the lumps are gone, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat.

Add in cream cheese and parm cheese, stirring gently until melted.

Rinse drained pasta, and add to mixture. Add in chicken, and stir everything until combined. It will take awhile...make sure all is coated and evenly mixed.

Coat a baking dish with cooking spray, and pour in the mixture. Cook at 350 for 30 minutes. Let stand 10-15 minutes before serving.

Take that, Trisha.

I've been working on not eating anything fried over the past couple months. It's not good for me, it really doesn't make things taste better (with the exception of calamari), and I for some reason always dwell on some comment somewhere by Trista Sutter about how there is never a reason to eat fried food and for some sad reason, it now shames me when I do. (I am also shamed that I know who Trista Sutter is, though in my defense, I googled Trisha Sutter when trying to find a link for this rant)

Anyway, Hubby started pestering asking for my favorite version of Coconut Shrimp recently, and it literally wasn't until we sat down and I started shoveling them in my mouth that I realized, Hey jackass...have we forgotten the concept of FRIED??


Oops. Whatever. Once in a while won't kill you. My new rule is no ordering anything fried. Except calamari. Cause there's no way I'm attempting that one at home.

As for the shrimp, buy large ones, and if you can, have the butcher de-vein and butterfly them. Otherwise, make sure you at least de-vein them yourself. It's gross, but less gross than eating shrimp poop. I don't care of it's plankton. It's still poop. And it doesn't make it better to call it a vein, thankyouverymuch.

If you don't know how to do this...ugh. How do I explain this one easily...how about I let someone else do it for me. (Thank you Umamimart!!)

Read the ingredients through before you start-since you have to dip the shrimp in several things, I'm posting each step's ingredients separately...it should make prepping for this one a little easier, hopefully.


Coconut Shrimp
SHALLOW BOWL ONE
About 1/4 cup flour (rice flour works better than white, but whichever you've got)

BOWL TWO (combine the following)
1 egg, beaten lightly
1/2 cup flour (see flour note above)
2/3 cup beer (one with some taste is better than, say, Coor's Light.)
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

SHALLOW BOWL THREE
2 cups flaked coconut (should be in the baking aisle by the chocolate chips)

24 large, prepped (deveined/shelled) raw shrimp
3 cups canola oil
1/2 cup orange marmalade
1 tbsp horseradish (add more to taste)
2 tsp mustard

Tip: Use one hand for the dipping. If you use two you will make a horrid mess, get coconut all over the place, and be annoyed at the world. Trust me on this one.

Line a baking sheet with wax paper or aluminum foil.

Hold a shrimp by the tail, dip it in flour to coat, and gently shake off excess flour. Dip in egg/beer batter, and allow the excess to drip off. Gently roll shrimp in coconut, covering both sides, and place on the baking sheet. When all the shrimp are dipped, place baking sheet in the fridge for an hour or so. (The freezer for 15 min. will work if you're in a pinch)

To make the dipping sauce, combine marmalade, horseradish and mustard. It's not exact, so use more of less of each if you want.

In large, deep saute or other pan, heat oil over high heat. To test whether it's hot enough (at least 350 degrees), drop in a piece of coconut. If it sizzles immediately and soon turns golden brown, you're good to go.

Add shrimp about 6 at a time (or less, depending on the size of your pan). Cook, turning once with tongs, for 2 to 3 minutes, or until golden brown. Remove shrimp to paper towels to drain. Serve hot with sauce.

On the off chance you've been wondering about the kits...

The spoiled little fatties have been making themselves comfortable, as usual. At least they (Greta) are getting better at tolerating each other (Ramona), even if it requires some sort of buffer between them...

Here we go.

Going traditional this year... a (22lb) turkey. tri-tip. stuffing. potatoes and gravy. corn. broccoli. sweet potatoes. rolls. homemade cranberry sauce.

Wish us luck.

East coast steamers, west coast style.

I love everything about steamer platters but the name. Well, and the price. So when seafood's on sale, I figure it's the best time to recreate at home. You know, go big. Take advantage...cause long story short, I love seafood. This was my first try...I'm not disappointed, even having used defrosted seafood.

West Coast Steamer

Medium onion, chopped
About 6-8 garlic cloves, peeled but whole
2 tsp or so olive oil
1/2 tbsp butter
Smoked paprika (or you can use a sliced kielbasa. Those are strange options, but all I've got. I'm sorry.)
About 1tsp salt, 1/4 tsp pepper
Small baby red potatoes, about 2 lbs, washed
2 ears of corn, cut in thirds
One package raw shrimp, deveined, shells on
Package frozen bay scallops, thawed
Crab legs (as much as you can afford, I can't usually do more than a lb.)
Any other seafood you want, in one inch or so cubes.
1.5 cups of white wine
Salt, lemon to taste

Heat olive oil and butter in a soup pot. Add onion, sauté a couple minutes. Add garlic cloves. Sauté all for about 10 min. Layer down the potatoes and corn.



Add seafood; shrimp, then scallops and other seafood, then crab.


Poor wine over everything, bring to a boil. Cover and reduce a bit to medium. Cook about 15 min or until potatoes are done.

Remove everything and put in serving dish, saving broth. Season broth as you like, with salt, garlic, lemon, etc. Pour broth over platter.



You'll need bread for this one. It's soppy.

I took a photo of the "after," but I'm ashamed to post it. Let's just say...delicious.


-posted out of laziness from my iPhone.

Fitting.

When we moved across town, I was seriously bummed about leaving the neighborhood cantina and being far from Las Salsas. Seriously. These things are important.

So it's a good thing we now have a mini-mart/taco shop a block away. Talk about 2 birds with one stone! Awesome.

And it's not just any taco shop. This, my friends, is Tacos El Gordo.


Pammy: El Taco Gordo...what is that? Fat tacos?
Hubby: Sort of, it's more like fat boy tacos.
Pammy:...FAT KID TACOS?
Hubby: Pretty much!
Pammy: No wonder we like them.

So far, I've tried the ceviche tostadas, pollo tacos, and campechana. Oh, and half a breakfast burrito ( I pretended it was a corn tortilla), which was intended to be eaten by a pack of wild dogs, I think. (Huge and jam packed with bacon, ham and sausage) After perusing the menu at length this afternoon, I'm also looking forward to trying the taco salad and the nachos (natch). I'm also hoping the hubby gets ambitious and orders the El Gordo Mucho Grande Burrito, aka the Super Fat kid Burrito. Mostly cause the name is so obviously fantastic.

I do love convenience, let me tell you. Mexican food, liquor, gas AND a sno-cone shack all on one glorious corner lot 610 feet from my house? Done. Now if only they'd let me drink my beer IN the store...a fat kid can only wish.

The only reason I like Dodger Stadium

Yes, it's a nice field. But the only actual reason to come back? Two words. Dodger. Dogs.


(Heads up. The All You Can Eat Pavilion closes at 7th inning. Well after you've destroyed far more dogs, nachos, popcorn, peanuts, and soda mixed with clandestine bottles of whiskey than any normal person should consume. But still. Some warning would have been nice.)

You know you're a fatkid when...

Not only does my husband have an awesome job with awesome coworkers and an awesome boss, but they also get treated to awesome summers. I mean, half days every Friday and frequent "team-building" activities like ball games and wine-tasting tours? Awesome. So why am I not teeming with jealousy? Cause they get to bring their wives.

Which means I get to be his plus-one at the Dodgers/Cubs game tonight (should be interesting, since I have no feelings one way or another about the Cubs and pretty much despise the Dodgers). I may have (drunkenly) volunteered to be DD tonight for a car full of handsome hot messes, but one giant detail makes up for that:

Our seats are in the All-You-Can-Eat Pavilion. That's right. Cause the only thing that can make up for not drinking beer at a ball game is unlimited Dodger Dogs, nachos, and diet coke.

Gross. Awesome. Ridiculous. And if I'm not mauled by obnoxious Dodger fans for wearing a Yankees hat, I'll no doubt have pics to prove it.

He's good.

Me: Does sitting on an exercise ball count If I'm drinking champagne and eating candy?

Hubby (without a pause, non condescendingly): No. They cancel each other out.

I agree. I found a watermelon blow pop and it was fantastic. The champagne is prosecco, which was pretty necessary. I was celebrating the cable company's complete and utter ineptitude, which, yes, I documented. It was a slightly trying afternoon.

1:45: leave work to meet cable guy.
2:20: Brighthouse dude=my hero. We have metaphorical liftoff.
2:25-4:30: Work
4:35: Pick up "hippies use side door, no exeptions" sign from antique dealer. Been wanting forever, she special ordered for me. Highlight of day.
4:45: Camera shop. Find out a new camera battery costs $75. Not happening. Two days before New York, no camera=lowpoint of day.
7:05: On the phone with brighthouse again about my no longer functioning Internet.
7:35: Rep's boss is alerted that I called 8 times in the past 72 hours. Once past the initial omg-I'm-a-stalker-moment, I accept his offer to have his boss call me directly once they look over the issue.

Bossman Harold and I talked so many times I began altering my 'hello' for boredom's sake. Because instead of the usual hold music, he just called me back. Over. and. over. Which, while annoying, was helpful for cooking purposes:





Mmm. Meatballs and hubby pasta sauce, asparagus and garlic. Mmmmm.

Anyway, Harold, my bff.
8:00: PC is getting internet...mac is not. Airport either. Not ok. He will have a rep call to book a tech appt.
Not helpful, seeing that we're about to go on vacation and I'm not about to ask my father in law to meet a cable guy for us mid week.
9:30: We realize TiVo isn't working. Can't escape settings menu. Panic ensues. No internet I can handle-I can always cheat and use my phone. But TiVo? Oh, helllllll no.
10:05: Hubby may be a genius and fixed everything at once.
10:40 Ok, Maybe not genius, but we have TiVo again. (Still hero-status, go babe!)

Anything mac-related is still unable to receive a signal. Sigh. Guess I'll be chatting with Harold next week...good, cause I already miss him.

I promise this will be my last post about the internet fiasco, by the way. Cause it's going to be magically fixed by the time we get home from NY. And if it's not, well, I'm making hubby call. I quit.

-posted out of fat kidness from my iPhone.

Drink more water.

I have got to get back in shape. Between the eating out/delivery/lack of working out, I just feel gross. And I know we've been busy and I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but damnit, I've got a fighting weight, and it was about 12 lbs ago.

So. I finally got an afternoon to do yoga yesterday, which was fabulous. It's been much needed, let me tell you. I felt better immediately, which motivated me to throw together a pitcher of the best flavored water on the planet. Cause really, the more options I have in the fridge, the less likely I am to reach for the vodka. This is a fact.

Seriously, I love this stuff. I used to make it all the time when I was dieting. I've heard it called Jazzy Water, but, um, that's dumb. So lets just call it motivation water and be done with it. All you need is:
A couple slices lemon
A couple slices cucumber
A few small pieces peeled ginger
Small handful of mint leaves
Filtered water

I can drink this stuff all day. Which is the point.

Puckin'A.

Sorry, too easy.

Well, gotta say congrats to the local hockey boys...The Condors have advanced to the second round of play-offs (applause, cheers, whoohoo!). Which is great. For them. For me, it just means more hockey.

I've tried to explain why I don't like hockey, but it always sounds stupid. It's just...boring. A bunch of guys skating back and forth and back...and forth (excellent skaters, but still). Sometimes they hit the puck, sometimes they even seem to aim. They fight. They trip. And sometimes...very rarely...someone makes a goal.

Sigh. I like basketball. Give me some points. Lots of them. Quickly.

Anyway, it's rough, cause I want to support the hubby and his coworkers. They do such an awesome job running the show, and I want to be the good wife and cheer them (as well as the team) on. And once in awhile, I do...this weekend, I did twice. Well...once and a half. I left after the second period last night. I'd had enough hockey. And hockey food. Seriously, when taco salad is the closest thing to veggies in an entire arena...well, I go with it. You know where this is going, don't you?

Hello, Rabobank Monster Chicken Nachos.

Man, I'm easy. I don't even know why I bother getting the deluxe/supreme/monster versions...all I need is some fake cheese and jalapenos and I sit happily-and quietly-for at least 10 minutes. No wonder the hubby's always so happy to get them for me.

Round two, here we go. Good luck, guys.