Seriously Literate, IRL edition

Well, hellooooo strangers. My phone is once again full of photos of dinners I haven't written about, so here is the first attempt to rectify that little situation.

Anyway, I've read so little since the monkey weaseled his way out of the womb and into the world that it's embarrassing. Like, for real, my library card expired. So I did the only thing I could think of that was sure to work—I started a book club. With other actual people who would hold me responsible and, obviously, also like to drink wine and eat read.

I hosted the first go around. Book was Monday Mornings, chosen by my friend A, who claims a friend of hers had recommended it. And I'm totally calling her out here, because the book was horrendous.

Ok, it wasn't horrendous. But it wasn't something I'd recommend. I can see it making a good tv series, if you happen to be in the market for another medical drama (Oh, you aren't? No one else was, either.) but Sanjay Gupta should stick to being a neurosurgeon and CNN medical correspondent. I mean, I don't mean to be harsh; it wasn't poorly written, it was just, well, pretty one dimensional. I just didn't care about the many, many characters, most of whom weren't particularly well developed, if developed at all. It was just chapter after chapter after chapter, and then the ending was just blehhhhhh, really?

So let's talk food instead! It was a small group this month, only 5 of us, so I of course had to go overboard on the food. And yes, I made food cards. Shh. My mom already made fun of me. Yeah, they had books on them. It's BOOK CLUB, y'all. But know what I didn't have to do all night? Tell people what they were eating. Boom. It's the little things, peeps.

We had my mom's ham rolls, which are flour burrito sized tortillas spread with low-fat cream cheese, sprinkled with a garlic salt, dried oregano, pepper and basil mixture, layered with thin sliced deli ham, then topped thinly with chopped green chiles, chopped green onion and chopped olives. Rolled up, chilled, then sliced about 3/4 in thick. It's quite possibly one of the best things in the world.


I also tried a lemony, rosemary ricotta dip I found online (an Anne Burrell recipe. I liked, didn't love, but was still a nice something different) and my favorite summer soup—gazpacho. Served it in a pitcher with the toppings on the side to make serving interesting/easy, which I had to pat myself on the back a bit for later. Especially the plastic cup/bowl part. Nobody wants to do dishes after a get together.

Don't know how I've never posted my gazpacho recipe, so here we go...also a great use for all those summer veggies y'all are growing in climates more suited for that sort of thing than mine.

Gazpacho with Fresh Corn and Goat Cheese 
(adapted from a Real Simple recipe)

(Just roughly chop all of the veggies, you're gonna blend them)
2.5 lbs ripe red tomatoes
2 cucumbers, peeled
1/2 a peeled white onion
2 large garlic cloves
2 bell peppers, any color (but red or orange is prettiest)
Juice from half a lemon
About a tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp rice (or other) vinegar
Salt
Pepper
More lemon juice (the other half?)
Couple dashes Tabasco (optional)

To top:
Fresh corn (just cut it off the ear, it doesn't have to be perfect)
Crumbled goat cheese
Chopped cilantro

Immersion blender?
Chop everything up and toss it all (veggies through vinegar) into a bowl (or two, depending on the size of your bowls) and use an immersion hand blender to combine everything until pretty liquidy. Stir in 1/2 tsp each of salt and pepper.

Blender/Food processor?
Get two big bowls. Chop everything up and toss all the veggies into one. Then just blend as much as will fit into your blender at a time (AKA work in batches) and transfer the blended batches to the other bowl until you get it all. Add the lemon, tomato paste, vinegar, and 1/2 tsp each of salt and pepper and combine well.

Then stick it in the fridge to chill, at least an hour. When it's nice and chilly, add more salt, pepper, and lemon juice to taste and Tabasco (if using). Combine well, and serve with a handful each of cheese and corn on top, sprinkled with a bit of cilantro.

Phabulous?

We did Sam's Chicken Adobo last night, and while I have no idea if it's super authentic—Adobo is like the mainstay recipe of the Philippines—it was mighty tasty.

Which brings me to my question of the day...why are people from the Philippines Filipino? The ph-f conversion confuses me. Can someone explain this one to me? People from France aren't Phrench. People from Philadelphia aren't, um, Filadelphians.

I'm not stoned, I swear, though I realize that's kind of a stoner thing to get all caught up on. Anyway, just wondering. Doesn't matter. We'll move on.

I also made Filipino eggrolls, called Lumpia, though I know they're supposed to be smaller than what I made...I used egg roll wrappers instead of wonton wrappers, cause that just seemed like that much less work. When you're cooking in half hour increments (AKA "Naptime") 20 big rolls seems far less daunting than 60 small ones. So they probably weren't as crunchy as they should have been, but whatever. I served with two dipping sauces-one I'll give the recipe for, and the other was just 1/4 cup or so of sweet chili sauce with a tbsp of fish sauce added. And then I mixed the leftover sauces together at the end, and that was actually my favorite of the three. (Actually, I preferred the rolls the next day, too, just reheat about 5 minutes a side at 400.)

And I used ground turkey, but ground pork would probably taste better. Also, when you open the eggroll wrapper package, and there are only 10 wrappers, even though the nutritional information clearly states there are 21 in there, relax. They're stuck together. Don't shrug and start rolling anyway.

Again, not stoned. But really not helping my case here.

Simple Chicken Adobo
2 pounds chicken thighs
1 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup white vinegar
1 tsp fresh ground white pepper
2 tablespoons brown sugar
6 garlic cloves, crushed
4 bay leaves 
Hot rice, to serve

Note: I used boneless/skinless thighs because I think chicken skin is utterly disgusting. It still worked, but was a little drier than it should have been.

In large pot or dutch oven, combine soy, vinegar,  pepper, sugar, garlic and bay leaves over high heat. Add chicken. When it comes to a boil, reduce heat to medium low, cover, and cook 30 minutes.

After 30 minutes, turn over chicken pieces and leave uncovered to simmer an additional 30 minutes.

Serve over steamed white rice.

Lumpia Eggrolls
1 lb ground lean pork or turkey
1 carrot, (or about 10 baby carrots) grated
1 small white onion, grated
1 can sliced water chestnuts, drained and chopped fine
1 can bamboo shoots, drained and chopped fine
3 large garlic cloves, minced
1 /2 inch piece fresh ginger, grated
3 teaspoons soy sauce
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 package eggroll wrappers (about 20)
1 egg white, beaten

Combine meat through pepper (probably easiest to mix with your hands). Coat a baking sheet lightly with cooking spray. Place a heaping tablespoon of filling  on a wrapper and roll up. Dip your finger in the egg white and use as glue to close, and place seam side down on cookie sheet. Repeat til you're out of either wrappers or filling. Obviously.

Bake at 425 for about 12 minutes a side (20-25 minutes total).


Dipping Sauce
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup white vinegar
1 teaspoon soy sauce
2 teaspoons water
1 teaspoon cornstarch, mixed with the water
1/2 inch piece ginger, grated

Mix. Dip. 

Olive Cheese Bread

I cannot get enough bread these days. My absolute best friend is currently the Il Fornaio loaf at Fresh & Easy. It's the best heat and serve loaf ever. Ever. And they come in full loaves and little personal sized ones if you're not planning on gorging yourself (right.). Carb heaven, let me tell you.

And what makes fresh bread better? Cheese. And Olives. Obviously. Damn it, Sam.

No joke, these are ridiculous. Maybe you don't need to pile them as high with olives as we did, but if you do, I'm certainly not going to judge...

Olive Cheese Bread
2 to 3 minced garlic cloves
olive oil
1 shallot, thinly sliced
Regular or reduced fat crumbled blue cheese or gorgonzola
Kalamata olives, chopped

Heat over to 425.
Cut bread in half, lengthwise, and lay crust side down. Drizzle olive oil lightly over bread, then sprinkle with garlic, using a knife to spread it out a bit. Arrange shallot in an even layer across bread halves. Top with cheese and olives, then bake about 15 minutes. Serve hot.

Two daring cooks are better than one.

It's that time of the month again. Which, hmmm. I shouldn't phrase it like that...sooo... specifically, it's the 14th, so it's Daring Cook time.

This month's challenge? Pate. Yes, the liver based mushy meatloaf stuff that, if ever offered, you probably refuse to try. Even hubby made quite the face when I told him, and he'll eat cow tongue all day long.

I've had it, though, both rabbit and chicken, and it's really pretty good. So I won't say I was stoked to make it, but I wasn't icked out, either.

And since I just so happen to be staying with my fellow Darer (?) this month, Parallel and I decided become expert pate chefs together.

I'm not sure if that's technically allowed, however (there are rules about these things, you know), so we made two kinds. The problem, however, was that apparently liver of any kind can't be purchased on a Sunday in Buffalo. Sooo we opted for the veggie option, and then got creative and made up our own veggie recipe for the second. I'll post both when I can get to a computer, cause look how fancy schmancy we were. Would make for good party food, definitely.





And since the cooking challenge for the month cheated and also asked us to bake, Parallel and I defiantly baked the easiest bread I know. I'm assuming pate would go better with the homemade baguettes they recommended, but eh. Over it. Beer bread is more fun. Not even close to gluten free, but...

The mandatory part:our hostesses this month, Evelyne of Cheap Ethnic Eatz, and Valerie of The Chocolate Bunny, chose delicious pate with freshly baked bread as their June Daring Cook's challenge! They've provided us with 4 different pate recipes to choose from and are allowing us to go wild with our homemade bread choice.

And here it is:





Beer bread
3 cups flour
1tbsp baking powder
1/2 cup sugar
1 bottle of beer
(the darker the better)
1 tbsp melted butter

Preheat oven to 375.

Mix dry ingredients, add beer. Mix well. Spread into a loaf pan. Bake 50 minutes. Brush butter over loaf. Cook an additional 5 minutes.

-posted out of laziness from my iPhone.

Party:Impossible

About a week ago, my sister called asking if I would come to her holiday/house-warming 1960's/Mad Men-themed party...she lives in LA, which is a good hour and a half to two hour drive, so I was hesitant to commit-especially since the hubby couldn't make it and I'd have to go alone. Until she told me her roommate was going to have to prepare for the whole party alone (my sis works Saturdays at her salon) and was freaking out a bit.

We know I like to entertain. And we know I like to save the day. So I agreed to not only come to the party, but to come spend the day with roomie (the opera singer, who is delightful, btw) cooking and cleaning and generally making things happen.

But after the grape leaves debacle on Friday, my confidence was just a bit off, and once my sis gave me the menu rundown, I realized I had signed up for my very own episode of Dinner Impossible.

So, hungover from the work party the night before, I made the painful drive-in the rain, no less-to Brentwood. (Which became far more painful when my flip-flop slipped on the wet tile outside their apartment while carrying my overnight bag, purse, and two huge bags of ice. Always graceful.) But roomie knows how to make things better, so I was greeted with a mimosa at the door.

And then we did work.

Roomie and their friend (I'll call her the cancer researcher...I love these UCLA peeps) had already been busy bees-she's a list person, too, so there was a ton already crossed off...the eggs were boiled and peeled, the jello shots were setting, the macaroni salad was done, and mini cucumber sandwiches-crusts cut off, natch-were in the fridge. (The 60's had the most ridiculous food.)

So by the time my sis got home, we had finished the deviled eggs, started the meatballs, made the mini-pigs in a blanket (using flavored sausages, brilliant roomie that she is), cleaned the kitchen, polished off 2 bottles of champagne, rolled the goat cheese balls, rearranged the fridge, started the ham rolls, chilled the beer, and set up the bar area. And had the mini quiches and spanakopitas ready for the oven. And THEN we got ready. (Full costume required...here is my baby sis and me hamming it up, per usual.)


It was quite the spread when all was said and done. I especially loved my sister's gingerbread house (detail obsession obviously runs in the family). But the party was a success, the food was great, and we learned the important lesson that soda water really does get out everything. Which is helpful to know when people are drinking rum punch at 1am.

My only singular contribution was goat cheese balls, a new recipe the parallel excitedly sent me last week. Good stuff. I recommend either doing 4 big balls, or little tiny bite sized ones. Ours were a bit too big for the Triscuits. But totally interesting and a good conversation piece nonetheless.


Rolled Goat Cheese Balls

2 11oz logs goat cheese
big handful Wasabi peas (should be in the dried fruit or asian aisles)
5 or so gingersnap cookies
Parmesan cheese (about a 1/4 cup)
Fennel seeds (about a tbsp)
Anything else you want to roll them in. Go crazy. (I did a mix of parmesan, red chili flakes, garlic salt and green onion, but goat cheese will go with just about anything.)

Crush peas in a food processor or blender (a couple layers of ziplocs and a hammer also work, though it's not what I'd recommend). Spread on a plate. Crush cookies, spread on another plate. Mix cheese and seeds on a third plate. Use whatever you want on the fourth plate.

Roll the cheese into balls with your hands, and divide them into four piles. Roll each set of balls in a coating, and line them up pretty-like on a serving tray. Do this as last minute as you can so the coatings don't get warm and melty. We actually rolled the balls and stuck them in the fridge a couple hours in advance, and then just rolled them in the coatings at the last minute.

I have a problem saying no.

I inherited the inability to say no (thanks, mom), and tend to stretch myself far too thin...so when we decided to make our work holiday party a Mediterranean themed make-a-food-and-bring-a-wine ordeal, I was both stoked and stressed.

Everyone at work thinks I can cook. I talk a big game, people...and sometimes, I really do make magic. But not always. Unfortunately. And I'm fine when that happens at home. It just stresses me out when other people will be judging me. Which is probably some sort of cosmic karma for being a McJudgerson all the damn time.

Anyway.

The bossman tries to stick to a vegetarian diet, so I wanted to bring something he could eat. Figured Chickpea Stew would be good*...but as I never leave well enough alone, I also volunteered to bring stuffed grape leaves.

Stuffed grape leaves are kind of a pain in the ass. Chopping and mixing and rolling-even getting the leaves out of the jar can be annoying. But it's also actually pretty fun. And totally something to be done in advance. So Thursday night, I got to work. And I was so proud of how good they looked, even after using a jar full of the most bizarre sized leaves. The problem? They were dry, dry, dry. Ground turkey is already not the moistest meat out there, so you really do have to be careful to not overcook them. And I forgot the plate. Don't ask me why it works, but it does. And I knew better, which makes it that much more frustrating.

So this is one of those examples of do what I say and not what I do. I really should follow my own recipes.
*Speaking of, the stew turned out great. I used crushed tomatoes instead of diced, used 2 Serrano chilies instead of Jalapeno, and will be doing that from now on.

Stuffed Grape Leaves (Egyptian, not Greek)
1 jar grape leaves, rinsed (they'll be near the olives at the store)
1 pkg lean ground turkey
1 cup uncooked white or basmati rice
1 half onion, chopped finely
1 tsp ground cardamom
1 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp salt and 1/8 tsp pepper
4 garlic cloves, sliced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 egg
Juice of one lemon, plus slices to garnish
3 cups chicken broth

Mix rice, turkey, onion, minced garlic, and spices(including salt and pepper). Use your hands...this is the fun part.

Take a grape leaf and spread it out on a cutting board. Place about a finger's width worth of rice mix across the leaf. Roll it up like a burrito, tucking in the sides first and then rolling lengthwise, keeping it fairly tight.

Repeat with remaining rice/leaves. Place in stock pot in a circular pattern. Tuck in the garlic slices randomly between rolls. Make more than one level if you need to.

When you're done, tuck the egg in the middle. I don't know why. Tradition? I'll ask Miss Lucy- she's the Egyptian responsible for me knowing it. Whatever it is, it's fun to make people eat it afterward (It tastes fine, I promise).

Cover with chicken broth and lemon juice. Place a heavy plate over rolls to keep them in place. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer about 30 minutes. Serve with lemon slices. Can serve warm or cold.
Makes about 2 dozen medium sized rolls. Roughly 50 cals per roll, 1g fat, 6g carbs, 6g protein.

Staying strong...til I give up.

1:54pm
Ok, five days of 100% gluten free eating (my norm is roughly 95%), and so far, so pretty good. The only cheating I've done is one Coor's Light last night (we were celebrating the husband's new internship with the local hockey team, a glass of wine would have been far less effective).

Impressive. I'm kind of a quitter when I don't want to do something, so I'm proud of myself. And I'm less itchy today, so I take that as a sign my brain is proud of me, too. Yay.

6:32pm
Well...we've established that I'm weak...and a quitter, so...Surprise! I cheated.

I went to very lovely cocktail hour at our friends' (the new parents) house, where the new (hot) mama prepared not only this fabulous pork tenderloin with orange chutney sauce for appetizer/dinner, but a new dip which I am so totally stealing. It was gorgonzola with red wine vinegar, olive oil, garlic, red onion, and parsley. I think. So completely up my alley. Which she served with Wheat Thins.

Now...yeah...you'd think I'd see Wheat Thins and bypass them, you know, having wheat IN THE NAME...but as we know...I'm weak. And a quitter. Sooo...I may have had a few. Or twelve. Damnit!

8:12pm
Oh well. I'm in a good mood. It's part holding a 3 month old for the better part of an hour (who knew babies liked me??? Even if he did spit up down my new shirt...it's milk, I'll survive), hanging out with awesome people (who I really need to see more often), or coming home to an empty house (while I know the hubby is happy in hockey-land) where I have hours upon hours of tivo/netflix to entertain me while enjoying my personal cocktail of junk mags, champagne and cookies.

Life is good, my friends. Especially when I get to sleep in tomorrow and have nothing but trouble to get into over the weekend. Uh, oh. Let's hope it's the gluten-free variety...no promises.

And thus concludes the cheese tour...

So, I seriously love to entertain. I love dinner parties. I love to feed people, I love to make the house pretty, I love to drink and laugh and all that stuff that comes with having friends over. But when you live in a one bedroom loft like we do, with no dining room table, the best we can do is this. Which is nice, sure, but since we can't fit more than 5 people comfortably around the bar counter, we tend to have more 'dinner' and less 'party.'

But that's ok. Luckily I have friends that don't mind me taking over their kitchens. Much like I did this weekend at K's house. We were BBQing, and since I don't believe in buying food for potlucks, (shocking, I know) I brought all my stuff over there to make. The plan was originally to prep it all the night before, but dirty martinis happened instead. Oops.

Here are a few things I learned from making the following recipes, both of which I thought were awesome, the poppers in particular. The hubby only got to taste them cold as leftovers, but I was informed I can most definitely make them again. Soon.

One, if you are handling jalapenos, wear gloves. If you don't have any, don't touch your nose, mouth, or eyes for at least an hour afterward. And if you have a jewelry rash under your wedding ring/bitten cuticles/slice from a knife at the top of your thumb, it's going to hurt. A lot.

Two, when cutting aforementioned jalapenos, ventilate the area. You and everyone else in the house will be coughing up burned lungs for hours otherwise.

Three, ensure the correct testing audience. People that refer to basil as 'herby' or 'green stuff' may not be the the most appreciative of lemon-basil dip.

That said, enjoy!


Grilled Jalapeno Poppers
Half a block of light cream cheese, softened
One 4 oz container of goat cheese, softened
1/2 cup shredded parmesan
2 green onions, thinly sliced
salt and pepper (big pinch of each)
15 or 16 big jalapenos, halved lengthwise and seeded (I used a spoon to dig everything out)
Cilantro, chopped, for garnish

Heat grill on medium high heat.

Mix the three cheeses together til smooth. If you need to, microwave for 30 seconds, stirring every 10 seconds. Stir in green onion, salt and pepper.

Spoon cheese mixture into jalapeno halves one at a time. Don't overfill, and you should have just enough filling to fill all the halves.

Coat grill with cooking spray, and place poppers on it, cheese side up. Let them cook about 10 minutes, or until the bottoms are nice and roasted and the cheese starts turning brown. Sprinkle with cilantro before serving.
(Per popper, about 30 calories, 2g fat, 2g carbs, 2g protein)


Lemon-Basil Parm Dip
One 16oz container fat-free greek yogurt (sour cream will also work)
huge handful basil leaves
big squeeze of lemon half
salt and pepper, big pinch each
3 cloves garlic
1 cup shredded parmesan cheese

Throw everything in a big food processor or blender-or in batches if you only have a small processor-and blend til smooth. Chill. Serve with pita chips and cut veggies. About eight 4tbsp servings.
About 85 calories, 4g fat, 2g carbs, 10g protein

It's especially good on Sundays.

Lots and lots of people are football fans. I'm...not. My dad never watched it (which partially may have to do with him being the only male in the house...he likes to say the house was composed of three chiefs and one Indian. My dad's a saint.) and most of the old boyfriends weren't big fans, so I wasn't ever really exposed to it.

The husband, however, is another story. So I'm trying. After five years of watching football all Sunday, and three years of working six hours every Saturday as the clock operator for a youth football league, I'm starting to understand some of the rules. The point, however, still escapes me.

The husband isn't Mr. Football with the Guys, fortunately, but he still wants to watch. All. Day. Long. So we made a deal long ago that since Sunday is the only full day we get to hang out together, I'd suck it up and watch football with him as long as we could do it somewhere I was also entertained. I'm easy in that regard...I need food, and I need drinks. So whether we go to brunch at El Portal (cheapest, best Mexican champagne brunch this side of town) or hang at home, I get to do my three favorite things—eat, drink, and hang with the hubby.

Here's what I like about watching football at home: I don't have to wear shoes, I never have to wait for the bathroom, I can drink free Bloody Marys*, and I can entertain myself by making appetizers, Campechana being the choice for today.

After discovering Campechana (seafood cocktail) at our favorite hole-in-the-wall Mexican place, I'm obsessed with it, and I was determined to figure out the recipe. I finally got it right—the only thing that makes it different, as far as we can tell, is that they use octopus, and I use crab. Yes, I take the easy route. I'm just not that dedicated, I guess. It still tastes fantastic.

It's awesome with a spoon, a beer, and side of blue corn tortilla chips. Makes about 6 servings.


Campechana
BTW, I'm an eyeball cook...please don't expect exact measurements from me...

1/2 package artificial crab, chopped roughly and separated
3/4 pound cooked shrimp, chopped roughly (whole bay shrimp work, too)
1 tomato, chopped
1/2 of a cucumber, peeled and chopped
1/4 of a red onion, chopped fairly fine
2 large stalks of celery, chopped
One avocado, chopped (squeeze some lime over it if you can)
Big handful of cilantro, chopped
Spicy Clamato juice (or add a tablespoon of hotsauce-Tapatio is great-to regular Clamato.)
Slices of lime or lemon

Combine everything through cilantro in a big bowl. Add enough Clamato to cover plus a bit, so it's just a bit soupy. Add citrus to taste. Can be served at room temp or chilled.
About 135 calories a serving, 8g fat, 1.5g fiber, 14g carbs, 13g protein

*I can't take credit for this one, but it serves as my Bloody Mary muse. I sipped on this one at The Rooftop bar in Laguna Beach, CA.