Fat kid food

So my girlfriend K and I went to opening night of the Kern County Fair this week. The fair, if something you've never had the privilege of experiencing, is definitely something...basically, we go to people watch. Cause it's pretty much just a sea of Bakersfield's finest-I don't even know where these people come from. And it's like the arrival of the fair is announced by some sort of underground call to the degenerates of society...oh, it's bad. But it makes for incredible entertainment. Especially if you're as snobby about that sort of thing as I am.

Don't get me wrong, there are awesome things about the fair. Where else, for example, can I see a giant pig or alligator for only a dollar? Ride an elephant or camel? (If I weren't super, SUPER anti that sort of animal treatment, anyway. Are we caravaning through the desert? No? Then get off the wild animal. I don't go to circuses, either. Depresses me.)
Annnd stepping down from soapbox...

Anyway, at the fair you get to see free concerts (hello, Hanson is playing this weekend!), watch people compete in the most awesome contests—sheep shearing, anyone?—and see fantastic things like cow birthings. I mean, really. It does not get any more ridiculous than an entire stall devoted to giant prego cows ready to pop. It's totally the best part of the fair, which is why I was monstrously disappointed that the stall was empty. I have no idea why, I always assumed the cows were there the whole ten-day fair...it's not like they're any less ready to give birth on the first day than the fourth.

I'll throw it out there that I know absolutely nothing about cow gestation.

But really, when you get down to reasons you'd actually WANT to go, the fair is just an awesome excuse to be a total fat kid. There are all the Kern County faves—corn dogs, cinnamon rolls, tongue sandwiches, deep fried burritos, curly fry mountains, turkey legs, and giant potatoes topped with melted butter. But since my options are, as usual, a bit limited, I was stoked to find nachos.

I LOVE ghetto nachos. They're the best—fake cheese, chips, jalapenos...omg, I'll go to a sporting event just so I have an excuse to eat them.

And THESE nachos were ridiculous. When the woman handed me this gigantic pile of chips, beans, cheese, guac and sour cream, it made the 20 minutes in line worthwhile. And after we squeezed into a table already inhabited by a couple and their 6 kids (Oh, Bakersfield), we embarrassingly destroyed the plate.

And that was enough fair for me for the year. Unless K convinces me to go back next week so she can get the cinnamon roll and baked sweet potato she was too full for this trip. I'll only go if the cows are out.