Friday, September 23, 2011

Starbucks Homeboy, I hate you

After two days in bed with a cold, I finally got my ass up and out of bed this morning and decided to celebrate Friday (and "Fall," even though it's a hundred and effing TWO here today) with a pumpkin spice latte.

And then I had encounter #2 with judgey Starbucks guy.

If you missed encounter #1, here it is:
Pammy: Can I get a decaf skinny cinnamon dolce latte?
18 year old (overweight, btw) Vons/Starbucks employee: Why decaf?
Pammy: ...I don't think you're supposed to ask me that.
18yo: Well, it's better than asking if you're pregnant.
Pammy: (blank stare)...well. My doc told me decaf.
18yo: They actually just mean, like, soda and stuff.
Pammy: I'm pretty sure that's not true.
18yo: No, it is. Coffee's fine.
Pammy: Actually, no, fresh brewed coffee is the worst. It has the highest caffeine count. Espresso is a little better, but still.
18yo: But decaf is full of chemicals.
Pammy: And if you give me my decaf now, I can HAVE a soda later.
18yo: ok. $4.20

I haven't seen Mr. I'm A Nutritionist Dontcha Know for awhile now, so I foolishly thought I was safe. No such luck. Yet while I immediately recognized him, apparently he didn't remember me. And so here we went again.

Pammy: Can I get a nonfat decaf Pumpkin Spice?
18yo: Why are you ordering decaf?
Pammy: (stunned. STUNNED.)...Because I like decaf.
18yo: Is that the real reason?
18yo: What's the real reason?
Pammy: (through clenched teeth) Because I only have so. much. caffeine a day. And this. is. not. one. of. those. times.
18yo: (gives me an "I don't believe you" look) Mm. Most people order it when they're nursing.
Pammy: Hmm. (pays, fuming, without even looking at the smirking POS.)

Did someone tell these people to chit-chat with the customers? If so, let me educate you on idle conversation:
"Can you believe it's supposed to be in the hundreds today?"
"Happy first day of Fall!"
"Looking forward to the weekend?"

It is not, however, questioning my order. It is not trying to convince me to order something else. It is NOT making a face when you dislike my order. And it most definitely is not asking personal questions that are

Seriously? A) I do not need to defend my orders. B) Just f&*^ing MAKE MY DRINK. and C) It's none of your goddamn business, and I am not here to educate you on the ins and outs of pregnancy and what is and is not "allowed." It's effing 7:30am. I am not in the mood or mindset to do so. I just want my coffee, which I will now enjoy a little bit less.

Oh, and Vons' Starbucks? I am through. with. you.

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